an open letter to you

dear you,

i love you. although you cannot say the same for me, i still do. no matter what.

it has been 142 days since you broke my heart, and it’s crazy how my feelings haven’t changed at all. 

i’ve tried to move on, but i never can get over the thought of you. i can never get the image of your perfect face out of my head, and that, my love, prevents me from receiving the peace that i deserve. 

you’ve been on my mind for 533 days. that’s wild. and it’s even wilder to think that i haven’t been on yours for as long.

i always start to get this feeling that you miss me but i have to remind myself that you’ve moved on, and then i get disappointed all over again. 

it’s this continuous cycle: a thought, hope, disappointment- in that order. it’s never failing, this cycle. and i just want it over.

i still write to you even though i know for a fact you don’t read this. i still write to you hoping that one day you’ll go lurking on twitter or instagram and stumble across this page. on that day, you’ll read this and realize.

but that will never happen.

i feel stuck here. i feel like these words are going unnoticed. i feel like a lack i greater purpose in this world; only because you broke my heart.

i’m sick and tired of putting this on me and asking myself: “what did i do wrong here?” and “what could i have done?”

but the problem is, i did nothing wrong here. this is all on you. you were the one who decided to pull me into the counselors office that cold january day and tell me that it was over. you were the one who told me that you didn’t think about me anymore.

this is all on you, my love. and you’re the only one who can fix it

wait! there is nothing here to be fixed; reality check- you don’t want me! you don’t think about me, i remember! 

thank you for breaking my heart. thank you for making it hurt so much to wake up everyday. thank you for doing this to me.

this is my open letter to you, and i know you won’t read it.